Dear Australian Media,

Can you please stop using these following words when writing for articles :

• Pad
• Overpass/Underpass
• Sidewalk
• Paramedic
• Iguana-gate
• Kerb
• Baby bump
• Bling

And anything where you combine two celebrities names to make a new word to call them both, ie Brangelina, Tomkat. Oh the hilarity. Bet someone stayed up all night to think of those.

And call them what they really are in Australia:

• Apartment
• Bridge/Bridge
• Footpath
• Ambulance
• Anything but Iguana-gate
• Gutter
• Increase in abdomen size, probably due to pregnancy or eating McDonalds
• Jewellery

Thank You.

Dear Australian Sports Teams,

Can you stop naming our international-playing teams in a “Brangelina” sort of way, by adding an animal name after your chosen sport. Socceroos, Hockeyroos, Olyroos, Wheelabies, Boxaroos. It’s gay I tells ya. Gay! In a Kevin Rudd sorta way.

In other news, since reading that previous sentence, you’ll now know that I’m the best rapper in Australia. Which isn’t too hard, when you’re competing with the likes of Kulcha, Radio Freedom and the guy from Euphoria.

Dear Kevin Rudd,

Stop saying “working families” when you’re working for yourself, and the missus’ new outfit. And give them school kids a laptop, dammit. You were voted in for it, not for giving kids “access” to a computer. Tool.

Thank You.

Then there’s the one I’ve been thinking of for the past few days. You know I love cartoons and cartooning, so it’s only natural that I need some equipment to get something started, but I’ve got a killer idea, sort of based somewhere around Robot Chicken style skits with South Park style animation. But better. It’ll be like cut outs of people in womens magazines, crudely animated, to create a new short sketch. Does anyone know a thing about writing tv shows and animation, or where to invest in equipment for animation?